I have been remiss in so many things,

I have been horrible at finishing things.
I make promises and do the bare minimum to fulfill them.
I forget meetings and gatherings, and if I do show up I’m late.
I have almost finished my portfolio, but haven’t sent it out.
I haven’t touched other projects in months.
I was going to write a blog post about depression, about knitting, about my lifting event.
I was going to be a better friend.

This isn’t  to pick on my self, I don’t really know whats been wrong this summer – no this last year.
I just need to say I’m sorry.  To myself if no one else.
Maybe this has been a fear of failure when my mittens/drawings/self won’t be good enough.
Or a fear of finishing things, because then they will be gone and done.

Inside I am a fire storm of idea’s and creativity, but outside I am a lumpy pile of lethargic flesh.
I have felt held down by something, and unable to find the motivation I need to focus these thoughts and do anything…
– well much of anything with them.
I don’t know why and it doesn’t really make any difference.

People,
I will finish your illustrations. There is possibly an hour of work left to do on them.
I will finish your mittens, I literally have a thumb worth of knitting left to do.
I will send out my resume, even if I don’t meet every requirement listed.
I will go to the gym, make it to the work outs and lift the heavy things.
I will even finish the laundry.

I’ve been working on the logo I swear and started the layouts, I even bought the yarn, went to the doctor, signed up for the stuff. Even called the people and lord knows how much I hate calling those people. I will write down the pattern.
I will craft myself into the most productive creature I can make myself.

And thats the best I guess I can do. But like I tell my kid all the time.
“If you don’t even try, yes you will fail.”

And I am trying, bare with me people.