what to post when you haven’t been

So it’s almost two… yep two months since I last posted, and the longer I put it off, the harder it is to just sit down and write something. To write anything. Anything at all.

Part of the truth is I haven’t wanted to be any where near my computers. I haven’t been coding, I haven’t been designing or drawing, or painting… just knitting.
Remember the booties, the ambitious goal me and the fiancé had? Well I worked and worked on them, when I really wanted to be lace knitting, or working on my entrelac cowl or on the custom bike mittens someone asked for. But I spent november and december knitting booties. And that fine, but I like my knitting to engage me, and that why I do complicated projects. Unless I’m bored or tired or burnt out or all of those things and then I knit a rib stitch scarf or maybe even a bootie.

So here is the stuff I’ve been up to.

We ran two 5K’s the chocolate run at the beginning of November and the mustache run near the end.

The first went well, finished in around 40 minutes. Felt good, ate chocolate was ready to take on the world, etc.
The next started okay to, except my partner tripped early on and had a bad run . And instead of enjoying his company, chatting to take his mind off of the pain, I got frustrated because I wanted to push myself that day and felt well… held back. And what’s worse I did it because I felt like I had to, not because I’m nice. Which made it all worse.
So I didn’t want to write about it.

I mentioned my pinched nerve? Well it got better, then it got worse again, and well I’m not doing much right now. Just getting back into lifting club while avoiding heavy overhead anything.

Yep. Don’t every do this, I recommend child birth instead. My whole left neck, arm and hand hurt for 2 weeks. UGG.

I finished a total of 4 pairs of booties, none of which I took pictures of.

I really got down what I wanted to change to. Of course I wrote little of it down, so there’s that. And I made the future mother-in-law speechless/cry a little with her x-mas booties. It was her moms pattern. So I felt a little odd, I’m glad she liked them but I didn’t want to make her cry.

I survived x-mas!!!!! BUT I finished none of my knitting this year safe the booties and a hat for future father-in-law (which I also have no picture of). So I sewed stuff last minute.

I sewed 4 cowls/infinity scarves, for gifts. I really liked them, so I bought more fabric to sew more and haven’t done a thing. My relationship with my sewing machine feels forced. I think we need to part ways. This isn’t just an excuse to buy a new sewing machine, but also an overlock machine!!!
But it was exhausting, working, knitting, sewing, wrapping, cleaning, knitting, working, helping kid with homework, nap, and wrapping and sewing. The only days off I had where spent going somewhere, seeing someone, doing something. For 2 weeks straight.

Our tree was lovely.

But I was to busy to write about it.
I was so busy I got angry at everyone who seemed less busy, and so while I would sit knitting gifts (which I love doing but not with out rest) I got angry.
Angry at the kid for making no one anything. For thinking I would help him with 90% of whatever he chose.
Angry at my fiancé for only making one pair of booties, for playing video games instead of helping.
And instead of talking about it I just got angrier, and resentful and fed-up.

So I didn’t want to write about it.

And I got a job.
At a craft store.

Where’s the !!!!! Why are am I not pumped!?!?!Because it’s part time/seasonal.In retail.
I’m about to turn 34 and I just started another dead end retail job where I can, if I like spend the next 10 years climbing the very long ladder again. And I don’t want to do that.
I don’t want to earn so little, work five days a week but only get 30 to 24 hours and to be just worn out enough I don’t want to do anything the rest of the day when I get home(besides the stuff I have to like dinner and parenting).
I don’t want to see the last five years of hard work and lack of sleep end up here. At a big-box retail chain at minimum wage.
Where I get started on BLACK freakin Friday and never really got trained in.
BUT I want to be employed, so this is better than nothing… Right?

So I didn’t want write about it.

But I think I need to write about it, the good and the not so good. It reminds me of what I’m doing right now and whats important and why even.
It gets me back at the computer, where I code and I design. So I can keep working at getting a job I don’t hate myself for having.

So on that note, here’s some good.

I designed and knit a mitten, just the first though and just this last week.

I’m VERY happy to be working on anything but booties.

I didn’t ask it here, but “beads or no beads”? Facebook decided No or just a few if it’s an accessory.
Which it is, so I took a bunch of the beads off, slowly and with out frogging the whole piece.